Liberals Sneaking Into Canada : Border Officials Concerned

Liberal sociology professor sneaking into Canada

‘Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.’
Updated October 13, 2008

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O’Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left. Didn’t even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. “Not real effective,” he said. “The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn’t give any milk.”

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.

“A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though.”

When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the ’50s.

“If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age,” an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. “I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many art-history majors does one country need?”

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A source close to Cheney said, “We’re going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out.” he said.

Source / Manitoba Herald / Blue Funk Blog

Thanks to Jeff Jones / The Rag Blog

This entry was posted in RagBlog and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Liberals Sneaking Into Canada : Border Officials Concerned

  1. LOVED THIS!!!! Thanks for posting. /ds

  2. Unknown says:

    What a funny joke. You just made me laugh!

    So they will be forced to watch NASCAR races and forced to accept they cannot kill human babies from their womb while saving the endangered bug? Oh dearie me!

    What a shame. What a shame.

    I hate it when people make fun of Rush even though he has not done ONE thing wrong and had the guts even apologized over the air when he did say a bad remark.

  3. Unknown says:

    Rush has *whine days* where people can phone in during a live broadcast and you get all sorts of intresting discussions going on from the other end and often the other party will speak so fast they cannot be heard.

    I have personally witness Rush being assaulted and the caller causing circular arguments but Rush never cussed out people while Liberals swear ever other (fucking) sentence as a Liberal would put it.

    They all claim he is racist but I guess that’s true since he stands up to the Constitution the way it was intended by the forefathers and believes that every man and women is equal.

    Being equal does not mean EVERYBODY IS THE SAME. It means people are allowed to show of their individuality while maintaining the basic rights to life the best way possible.

    If you don’t like the Constitution then get the fuck out of our country and leave us alone.

    I’ll gladly help pay part of your plane/train ticket out of here.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.